but this is not a ploy to gain some sympathy (abraxs_gequalt) wrote,
but this is not a ploy to gain some sympathy

shall i play for you? on my drum

i have your mask so that i can honor you when i feel afraid. the world has turned to hell while you're in heaven and i ask god how it is you're doing in such a place; but you know him - he never answers. the ghosts walk out into the open now and the thieves blend in with priests and our friends; so you can imagine how wide i keep my eyes open since you've been gone.* I stare at my ruined skin and pray it will stay this way; i pray that everything will stay this way until i die. you see the hero left this world and while i wait for the villains to come and demand my head in their hands, all i do is spend this money and drink everything it is that i can. As i skip over the clorox and chamomile tea he'd always suggest i drink; i think to myself, "who the fuck do i have to turn to?" the eyes of these people stare right at me and act as if they know how to care; but like monsters - they have their own life to battle. i have my chainsaw and my helmet we made; i just don't have the soul that's needed to fight. i order these men to touch me; you know, so that i can feel alive. the boundaries are always crossed, but i think thats the magic of being permitted to stay alive when you're dead - everything's evil and empty. lucky stars don't exist anymore, neither do words like "we" and "ours." the terrain is rough and unkind, it mocks me and mimics my heart. As i look around; i see nothing - i feel not a thing. you see the mother i always talked about has more important things to handle then her wounded solider - but silly me to think that this (I) am important enough. What not one single person realizes is that i do very much wish to die though the gypsy woman told me that if i did it myself i wouldn't be able to ever see him again - so that's my dilemma. so now i must find away for someone else to kill me.
  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.